Cleansation.

I'm suddenly on a mission to erase my past, to get rid of the words and pictures that haunt me with their hidden memories and repressed feelings. I suddenly want out of this cage that I have constructed for myself from the papers and folders that keep me reminded of who I was and what we used to be. As much as I would want to burn them, tear them, trash them...there's a part of me that will always indulge in the seeing the past unfold. How could I get rid of something that I have not completely forgotten? How could I burn off a piece of my life, as miserable and selfish as it was?

The problem is that I feel so defined by it. It seems that half of my life revolves around what happened then. What would I be without it? Am I a person without the memories? It's ridiculous how I have refused to get close to others simply because they don't know my story, and yet here I am now considering getting rid of the evidence, the documented flaws. There's still my journals of course...there's still my own thoughts, the songs, the movies, the places online. I could never truly forget. There are some days when I simply can't stand the remembering...Shouldn't I be free from the emotional torment? I'll never heal if I don't let it go. I'll never grow if I keep focusing on what went wrong.

High school was horrible and 3 years later, I think I'm finally ready to move on.